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Talk about what matters to you on Teenville
17th December 2004, 11:59 PM
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#1 (permalink)
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MhikoRiyo
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Registered User
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location:
in my own little world.
Posts: 8
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Song
a song i wrote. c&c please.
A roll of the dice
As I leave it to chance.
I can’t decide
To move on or stand.
In times gone by,
I was stronger than you;
But you’ve changed with time,
And maybe I have too.
It all comes down to this;
Can I stand? Can I fight?
I don’t know what’s amiss,
But I’m finding out tonight.
I can’t explain it all
I’m feeling kind of listless.
And I’m finally finding out
Why I call you my Weakness.
I’m running from myself
As I turn away from this.
I just don’t want to know.
Don’t tell me about my Weakness.
A crimson sky
Reflects my own fear,
Something to hide
Whenever you’re near.
Your kinder smiles
Put me out of place;
You call me ‘friend’
As I scream ‘enemy!’
It all comes down to now;
My hatred in your eyes.
You make me weaker when
I see that you sympathize.
I can’t explain it all
I’m feeling kind of listless.
And I’m finally finding out
Why I call you my Weakness.
I’m running from myself
As I turn away from this.
I just don’t want to know.
Don’t tell me about my Weakness.
I’m looking in the mirror.
Is this person who I am?
Could these two rivals
Turn into friends?
You’re holding out your hand.
How should I respond?
Do you make me weaker
Or strong?
I can’t explain it all
I’m feeling kind of listless.
And I’m finally finding out
Why I call you my Weakness.
I’m running from myself
As I turn away from this.
I just don’t want to know.
Don’t tell me about my Weakness.
I can’t explain it all
I’m feeling kinda listless.
And I’m finally finding out
Why I call you my Weakness.
I’m running from myself
As I turn away from this.
I just don’t want to know.
Don’t tell me about my Weakness.
I just don’t want to know.
Don’t tell me about my Weakness.
I don’t want to let go.
Of you my friend, my Weakness.
Life is not fair. If it was then Jesus wouldn't love me.
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18th December 2004, 11:26 AM
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#2 (permalink)
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*tallie*
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magical princess
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paradise
Age: 20
Posts: 1,167
Gender:  Rep Power: 388
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I really like this.  Especially at the end where you repeat the line "Of you my friend, my Weakness"
It has a meaning, but i think it lacks a little bit emphasis at the start. But overall very well done 
follow your heart you will never get lost
my Love for you is a Journey that starts at Forever and ends at Never
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18th December 2004, 12:03 PM
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#3 (permalink)
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Peaceout
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~*Super ****~
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Join Date: Jun 2004
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Townsville, Australia
Age: 21
Posts: 1,479
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it's really good!! i can see it being a rap song, or one like how linkin park sings. i like the verses, but the only CC i can give you is i think it needs more of a choris(sp) to go through it.
~*Dani*~
Under a Gaelic Moon
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18th December 2004, 04:28 PM
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#4 (permalink)
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Ruby-Star
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:]
Points: 13,944, Level: 76 |
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Location:
 Malta Age: 18
Posts: 1,990
Gender: Rep Power: 566
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Well done!!  Whats c&c?
тämäяä
Don't worry about the walls and the obstacles,
people put them there to see who is strong
enough to get through them
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19th December 2004, 04:11 AM
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#5 (permalink)
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Peaceout
has no status.
~*Super ****~
Offline:
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location:
Townsville, Australia
Age: 21
Posts: 1,479
Gender: Rep Power: 459
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constructive critizism(sp) means that if you see something wrong then you tell the person it in a nice way, not by going "oh mu god you are such a ****ing loser, this totaly sucks blah blah blah" 
but this song totay ROCKS!
~*Dani*~
Under a Gaelic Moon
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16th January 2005, 11:50 PM
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#6 (permalink)
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MhikoRiyo
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Posts: 8
Gender: Rep Power: 0
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 aw shucks...... ^-^
Life is not fair. If it was then Jesus wouldn't love me.
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